So if you consider me your partner, receive him as you would receive me. If he has wronged you at all, or owes you anything, charge that to my account. I, Paul, write this with my own hand: I will repay it—to say nothing of your owing me even your own self. Yes, brother, I want some benefit from you in the Lord. Refresh my heart in Christ.” - Philemon 17–20 (ESV)
Paul writes Philemon during his imprisonment for the gospel toward the end of his ministry. Philemon is likely in Colossae, which is a prominent city in the region of Phrygia in Asia Minor, which travels there Acts records in 16:3 and 18:23. Some traditions hold that Philemon was a Bishop of Colossae, but this is uncertain. In the letter, Paul wants Philemon to accept back Onesimus, Philemon’s slave, as a brother like he would receive Paul himself.
The Big Idea of Philemon
I have taught the big idea of Philemon as the following: Forgive your brother who wronged you. Paul is concerned that Philemon obey his request to receive Onesimus, and that he charge anything Onesimus owes to Paul's account. Paul is concerned that there be no repercussions for Onesimus, but instead that there be grace. We can learn from the graciousness of Paul, who is willing to plead for mercy for Onesimus in a way for which he himself was willing to pay, as Christ did for him. We can see in Paul's appeal a model for how to graciously plead with others for mercy and forgiveness without demanding it, and we can see in Philemon a similar charge for us in how we treat others. And in Onesimus, we can see a parallel for how we ought to respond in repentance when our wrong course of action has been found out.
An Outline of Philemon
1:1-7: Introduction
Paul opens the letter with greetings to Philemon and others, including the church that meets in his house. Paul also expresses gratitude to God for Philemon’s love and faith. Paul describes his prayer for Philemon’s faith to become effective in all things related to Christ. As Paul sets up for the request he is about to make, he tells Philemon that he has received joy and comfort because of Philemon’s ministry.
1:8-16: Request
The purpose of Paul’s letter is to exhort Philemon to receive his runaway slave back as a brother in Christ. Paul refers to Onesimus as his child, having become his father in Paul’s imprisonment. However Onesimus came to know Paul, Onesimus is not the same person as before. He had been of less use to Philemon and Paul before, presumably because he did not love God, but now he is useful to both.
1:17-25: Conclusion
In the conclusion, Paul presses the point home for Philemon. Paul is so confident that Philemon will grant his request to forgive and receive Onesimus back that he requests a room be prepared for Paul to visit him soon. Paul is confident that Philemon will obey in this issue because Philemon owes Paul even his own self. With such a great debt owed to Paul, forgiving Onesimus is a relatively small thing. Paul concludes with greetings from his traveling companions.
Benefits of Philemon
Philemon presents a fascinating study in conflict resolution and reconciliation. On the one hand, Onesimus is apparently an escaped slave of Philemon who deserves justice. On the other hand, he has apparently been so worked on by God that he is in a fundamentally different place than he was when he left. Paul is appealing directly to Philemon not to charge to Onesimus anything that is owed. Instead, Paul asks, even commands, that it be charged to Paul´s account.
What is happening here? Is this favoritism? Is Paul being unfair to Philemon? This could look like Paul is asking for partial treatment, for a special favor for one of his friends. In a sense, that is exactly what is happening. Onesimus has become dear to him. There has been an improvement and growth in Onesimus that is apparently the work of the Lord in him to turn him from uselessness to usefulness. And Paul is asking for special treatment of Onesimus on Philemon’s part. There may be debts of different kinds owed to Philemon by Onesimus, perhaps for expenses incurred looking for him and/or lost work.
Nevertheless, although Paul counts on Philemon’s support, he does not presume upon it. He does not force his way. Paul describes how he would have liked to retain Onesimus, but he preferred not to do it without Philemon’s consent. Paul is openly respecting Philemon’s right to refuse his request, even though it is made so forcefully as to imply an expected obedience (v. 21).
In short, Philemon presents us with a case of an apostle formally and forcefully urging a wronged party to forgive the offender. We should note that Paul does offer to cover any debts incurred, although we may question how serious Paul is about this. He could be interpreted to be expecting Philemon to forgive without seriously expecting anything from Paul. Paul’s offer could be a gesture rather than a genuine offer.
Paul’s request seems in line with his exhortation in Ephesians 4:2-3; he is calling Philemon to be humble and patient, bearing with Onesimus in love and eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. From Paul’s description of Onesimus, it seems that Paul has already been leading and guiding Onesimus to a similar place. This is, in short, a masterclass from Paul on how spiritual leaders can seek justice while loving mercy and also walking humbly (Micah 6:8).
Would it have been a sin for Philemon to refuse to forgive Onesimus? Put another way, must we always forgive those who wrong us?
On the one hand, yes, we must always be willing to forgive those who wrong us. Jesus makes that clear to Peter in Matthew 18:21-22. On the other hand, forgiveness is closely tied to reconciliation and restoration, includjng in Matthew 18. It is difficult to separate forgiveness from these two, since forgiveness for offenses committed without repentance on the part of the offender means that only the person offended can be right before God while the status of the unrepentant offender is in doubt.
The presence of forgiveness does not mean the absence of consequences. Nevertheless, it appears to be the case with Onesimus that he is repentant and changed enough that additional punishment or consequences would, in Paul’s opinion, be superfluous. Onesimus has gone from being “useless” to “useful.” In short, to require more of Onesimus would serve only a bare form of justice while missing the point of it. Love, as Paul makes so clear in other places (such as 1 Corinthians 13), is the highest expression of relationships between persons. Yet love does not undercut justice; it is rather built upon it.
Paul works through all these things with Philemon and Onesimus. He shows us how to prioritize love without sacrificing justice. He shows us how to maintain justice while recognizing dynamics in situations that make forgiveness, overlooking offenses, and showing mercy powerful tools for cultivating God-honoring relationships that reflect the love of Christ.